Confidence. What a simple, three syllable word, some might think. Confidence is something earned and learned, but never given. So, what’s so great about having confidence? Well, for me, its the feeling of getting to do whatever you want and not care what everyone else around you thinks. It’s that carefree feeling to wear what you want or dance to the song in your head in public. Confidence, to me, is freedom.
Now, I wasn’t always as confident as I am. I used to look in the mirror and dislike the person looking back at me. I would stare for hours picking out every imperfection or flaw. I was my biggest critic and bully. It also doesn’t help when your classmates point out the parts of you that aren’t always the prettiest. There is no set standard for beauty. Some might say it’s blonde hair and blue eyes. As a blonde hair, blue eyed girl, that is so far from the truth. There have been many times I have been called ugly or have not reached the impossible beauty standards on social media. You can’t be pretty unless you look like Kylie Jenner or Margot Robbie right? Wrong. Everyone is so beautiful in their own way because everyone is so different. Social media tries to influence us in negative ways. It tricks us to think “Oh, I need a bigger butt to be beautiful” and “If I don’t do the things this influencer does, I will be ugly.” First off, drop all of those expectations. You will never be happy if you constantly compare yourself to others. Comparison is the thief of all joy, so do not let that inner voice have any power over you. I say, “Embrace the things you cannot change and change the things you can to be happy.” I am not going to sit here and say I haven’t changed things about myself. I have veneers on my first four teeth because my brother chipped half of my two front teeth off with a baseball bat. I went from seldom smiling to always smiling. My nose was super crooked from breaking it three times, so I got it fixed (the right side of my nose collapsed, so I can breathe now too.) I fixed my speech impediment so I stopped sounding like a five year old. I am happier now with the version of me I created, not anyone else. No one pushed me to or made me make these changes. I didn’t do it because I was chasing a boy or seeking approval. I did this for me, myself and I, and YOU should do things that make YOU happy. The first step of confidence is accepting your appearance, but that’s not even half the battle.
The hardest part of confidence comes mentally. The mental game is the worst. If you do not believe in yourself and your ability, then you are in a cycle of self doubt and insecurity. I circled this drain for far too long. I never felt like I was good enough or qualified enough in middle school or high school because of what others told me. People’s opinions meant everything to me until I let go. I realized not every person will like me. Not everyone will see the value and worth that I have to offer. We all have personal bias that blinds us from looking at a person in their truest form. Our environment, upbringing, background, and influences all go in to your bias against people. Our experiences shape us and the type of people we surround ourselves with. If someone is constantly saying you don’t look good or making fun of the way you look, feel or act, the hard truth to hear is maybe they are not a good friend. Maybe they are going through something and try to take their frustrations and insecurities out on you, but you NEVER deserve to be someones punching bag. The biggest problem girls face today is they do not know their worth. They do not know how to be treated or handle the harsh realities that are our society’s impossible expectations. We get down on ourselves. We believe and fall into the lies others tell us to fit in. But girls, you were made in the perfect image of God- not the Karen sitting next to you. People struggle with anxiety and depression more then ever before because we are in a constant battle with ourselves. Stop caring what other people think and YOU do YOU!
Lastly, guard yourself. Because of my experiences in middle school, I choose to be less trusting with people until they prove their trust or loyalty. I know that sounds harsh, but I would rather guard myself than be hurt or betrayed by someone I call “friend”. I don’t want people who are close to me cycling self doubt into my mojo. You are who you surround yourself with, so just keep that in the back of your head when choosing friends. On the other hand, when you are confident you attract people. Everyone is drawn to you because you know who you are and people gravitate towards that. Be the baddie you always wanted to be. Be the carefree girl who you always looked up to. Be the girl that would make 5 year-old you proud. Be the girl that YOU want to be and no one else.
With Much Love,
Your Unofficial Big Sister
Haleigh Ryan Hurst
